I Need a Penny

Silver Linings Playbook: Trumped-Up Edition

With the 1st pick in the 2016 POTUS Draft, the American Americans select Donald John Trump. Folks, this is unlike anything this country has seen before. Remember that film Idiocracy? Neither do I. It is a fairly terrible movie minus Justin Long. Get out your last YAS QUEEN’s and DRAG HIM’s because the horrific straight white male is back to terrorize the land. Donald Trump is going to be president now and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Is there anything positive here? (more…)

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Alex Jones and His Beliebers are Mentally Ill

In February I was discussing the primaries with a few coworkers, and one of them told me I should check out Infowars, with an emphasis on Alex Jones. I had never heard of this website or anybody named Alex Jones, so I told her I’d do my homework. When I went home, I typed in Alex Jones on YouTube and was lucky enough that his most recent video was about Trump exposing 9/11. I knew I was in for a treat, but there was no way I could’ve prepared myself for what I was about to see. (more…)

You are Being Duped by Capitalism

Do you like monopolies controlling prices and markets? Are you okay with paying lots of money for a mediocre Product? Do you think this is a game? I’m not mad at you. But listen, Listerine is a tyrannical empire with a stranglehold on the mouthwash market. Don’t read further if you are fine being a SHEEP (sheep sounds weird when it’s singular). (more…)

2,439 Year Study of “The Finger” Finally Called Off

In the year 423 BCE, scientists launched an ecological study on the entirety of humankind after Aristophane’s comedy The Clouds was created. The play was not well-received at first, but one scene really seemed to stir the pot. In the play, Socrates quizzes one of his students, Strepsiades, on the topic of poetic meters, only to watch the kid rise from his seat and state that he knows quite well what a dactyl is while giving Socrates The Finger. (more…)

Are You Addicted to Your Cell Phone?

The answer is a resounding: yes. We are all addicted to our phones and it’s getting worse every day. Why are you addicted to your cell phone? Why, it’s because you’re a worthless shitheel without will power! I’m joshing you (slightly). The good/bad news is that it’s a real addiction and you aren’t entirely to blame. The gooder news is that I have a quick fix for your terrible fault. (more…)

You Are Addicted to Your Phone

Good news: you’re not alone. We are all addicted to our phones and it’s getting worse every day. Why are you addicted to your cell phone? Why, it’s because you’re a worthless shitheel without will power! I’m joshing you (slightly). The good/bad news is that it’s a real addiction and you aren’t entirely to blame. The gooder news is that I have a quick fix for your terrible fault. (more…)

Dawn of a New Age

Folks, this is Max here, typing live, in the middle of a renaissance. As the title suggests, we’re experiencing the Dawn of a New Age. That Age, ladies and germs, is the Age of the Cooler-Than-All-Hell Black Spokesman. Let’s dive in. (more…)