Last Call for a Presidential Candidate

Donald Trump, The Orange Man, is going to represent the Republican party of the United States government. Hillary Clinton, The Human Flip-Flop, will stand as the candidate of the Democratic party. Now I know what you’re thinking, we’re screwed. What if I said we still have a chance? Now that I have your attention: let’s get political.

In under a month the primaries will end, and we’ll continue our tradition of a two party system. As a country we will participate in another either/or fallacy. Cruz and Kasich are out, so Trump is the last man standing for the Republicans. Bernie has 1539 to Hillary’s 2305 delegates. With only 712 delegates up for grabs, El Bernerino has been mathematically eliminated from the Democratic race.

Hillary Clinton

has somehow managed to convince enough people that she doesn’t lie for a living, proving that, in a way, she’s great at her job. Her job shouldn’t be to lie, though, but that’s where we’ve landed. She has been a politician for decades and has seemed to flip and flop on just about every stance anybody cares about. Nonetheless, she has caught us on the flip side and millions are ready to vote for her.

I want to "accidentally" step on her toes

I want to “accidentally” step on her toes

Donald Trump

has been nice enough to show us who he truly is from the jump of his campaign. We’ve known that he’s a dickbag for decades, I guess, but only recently have we been able to understand the extent of his dickbagness. What’s scarier than a blonde tomato becoming sentient and spouting off racist nonsense? A large chunk of a country’s population standing behind his statements. And it’s not just white trash voting for him, as many seem to believe.

I'll give you a buck if you figure out what this mosaic contains

I’ll give you a buck if you figure out what this mosaic contains

Do you remember most of 2015 and earlier, when we all thought Trump was solely an annoying money guy who liked to say “you’re fired” to people who weren’t given a million dollars to start their first business? Ah, the good old days. But enough about Trump, I’m fueling the fire and you want what you want. You want the mission statement of this post, the thesis if you will.

We’ve reached a fork in the road. So far the road has consisted entirely of thoughtless decisions and too much reality television. What this fork proposes is a chance for us to get back on track. We can own up to the terrible practices we’ve adopted and people we’ve stood behind to say no more. We can can put an end to the anarchy.

Come Novemeber, we cannot vote for the democratic (Hillary is a corrupt Republican who pretends to like minorities) or Republican (the party’s foundation has eroded and Donald Trump is sitting in full lotus, levitating over Abraham Lincoln’s corpse) party.

Donald Trump and his scoliosis spine hovering over Honest Abe

Donald Trump and his scoliosis spine hovering over Honest Abe

Forget Democrats and Republicans, wouldn’t you rather vote for a good party? I know I would. I will stand behind a party that’s good and not bad like the two parties that have been forced on us. That’s why you should vote Good this election. Voting Republican or Democratic party is only perpetuating the cycle. However, voting Good will give America a change, and one for the better.

You may be asking, but Max, who is the candidate for the Good party? I’m glad you asked. It’s me, Max Blochowiak. While I may not have any experience in office (or any office, for that matter), I could choke out any of our presidential candidates. This is not bragging, I’m saying we shouldn’t let weaklings lead our country. Teddy Roosevelt is spinning in his grave. Should your Commander in Chief be a chump with weak arms? Do you not believe your trailblazer should be able to squat their body weight? What kind of president doesn’t have a cardboard cutout of Stone Cold Steve Austin in their room? The worst kind, that’s what.

I can fill the voids that these candidates are creating. Sure, I don’t know what’s going on between Israel and Palestine, but I can always ask for advice and watch a 9-minute YouTube summary of the feud. I will hire competent people to guide me because my ego is not big enough to cloud my ability to be helped by people who know more than me. A vote that isn’t for the Good party, is a vote for the bad party. 

 

Stay up to date with the Good party’s news on Facebook, and this blog. You can donate to my campaign if you’d like, but I’d rather have your vote in November.


“Well, that about does her, wraps her all up… I guess that’s the way the whole darned human comedy keeps perpetuatin’ itself, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands of time until we– aw, look at me, I’m ramblin’ again. Well, I hope you folks enjoyed yourselves. Catch ya later on down the trail.” – The Stranger

Until next time,

Blochowiak

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