In February I was discussing the primaries with a few coworkers, and one of them told me I should check out Infowars, with an emphasis on Alex Jones. I had never heard of this website or anybody named Alex Jones, so I told her I’d do my homework. When I went home, I typed in Alex Jones on YouTube and was lucky enough that his most recent video was about Trump exposing 9/11. I knew I was in for a treat, but there was no way I could’ve prepared myself for what I was about to see.
Not even two minutes after meeting Jonesy McJoneserson I’m blessed with the opportunity to see him cry, so I KNOW right off the bat that I’m watching an emotionally stable and well-adjusted human.
What’s making him cry is the overwhelming joy he receives from knowing that Divine Providence is fueling all the good stuff in his life (if there’s good stuff in his life, I’ve never heard him talk about it) and now, more than ever, he and Donald Trump need our prayers.
The video turns quickly with the picture above being the end of his crying and the abrupt beginning of him saying, “just thank God, thank God there are people who aren’t cowards.” After that, he’s back on, laser focused eyes and all. At this point I’m imagining a chimp in his brain’s cockpit, flipping various emotional switches while chewing on an apple.
Joneser says this new story is the real deal and Donald Trump is ramming daggers into the Globalists even though Trump would get winded from just thinking about a stabbing motion. He goes with this analogy for too long and, you know what? Just watch the video. I can’t possibly explain what happens next, but it looks like this.
All you pansies reading this need to stock up on ammunition and canned beans, it’s going to be a long winter. The time has come for you to pick a side. Either you’re with us (the good side and Donald Trump) or you’re dead to rights, buck-o. You will go down with the Globalist scum that’s trying to make me drive a Google car and not charge my iPhone the entire night. I WILL NOT BE A SLAVE. I wonder who’s more insane, Jonesy or Jared Leto’s joker? Hard to say with all these warnings Leto’s been giving us about the deranged nature of his rendition, coming this August to a theater near you.
Almost every YouTube video I’ve seen from Infowars has included Jonesenheimer reminding the viewership that he is sticking his neck out and risking assassination because of the extreme weight and controversial nature of the conspiracy at hand. This is asinine for a long list reasons, but the thought that figures in positions of real power feel threatened enough by Alex Jones to go through the trouble of having him killed off is so ludicrous it makes me want to put my head through a wall.
“I’ll tell you what leadership is. I hit the barbed wire Saturday, and as usual people are asking me, “are you sure about doing this and coming out and saying we should look into this as being a murder?”… Do you think I’m happy that there’s about a 98 percent chance they killed Scalia? You think I want to be the one who breaks it? You think I want to be the one that runs over the top? The first one that goes against the machine gun (nest?), but I will do it. And I’m telling you this in case something does happen to me, I need other people to step up. It’s the only way to save your family.” – The opening of Alax Jones’ Scalia Video
Wow, the hero Gotham deserves AND the hero it needs right now. Give me a fucking break. He acts like he’s shouldering this massive burden because he said the media isn’t being truthful. Change the definition of bravery to read “Alex Jones of Infowars.” What a shocking stance. I think NOT complaining about the media in 2016 would make somebody’s ears perk up before complaining would.
Regarding his 98 percent line: what is the other two percent? Maybe it’s the small issue of no empirical evidence to support his hypothesis. I love a good arbitrary percentage claim as much as the next guy, but why even bother saying there is a two percent chance he wasn’t murdered if you’re just pulling a number out of your ass to begin with?
In this very entertaining Scalia video, he communicates the idea that Scalia’s death was an obvious murder. Yes, the 80-year old Antonin Scalia, who looked like he was made entirely of adipose tissue and born without a skeleton. If you try to imagine what an old man would look like if he ate only pepperoni with mayonnaise for a decade, you’d picture Scalia. After 65, his odds of sudden death hit 100 percent. I can do arbitrary too. He was an old man who shouldn’t have lasted as long as he did, and the thought that he’d be killed off 30 years after he took a chair on the Supreme Court just doesn’t make any sense.
I haven’t watched many of his videos because there have been only two that have popped up (Trump exposing 9/11 and Scalia’s “murder”) by chance, but they’ve been so perfectly preposterous I almost don’t want to ruin it by finding a boring one. I did see a “funny moments” montage video in the related section, and boy did that deliver (even though I only watched two minutes). Below is a screenshot and a quote from :51-1:09 in the video. No time is wasted.
Finally, he said something accurate. He is primitive. He has the intellect of a neanderthal and acts exactly how I’d imagine a neanderthal would act if he felt threatened. Loud noises and flailing arms. I hope a stage light falls through his abnormally large gourd of a head.
I wish I remember how I heard about the Prince video, but this is one for the books. Before this video I was unaware, but apparently Prince was somewhat candid about his thoughts on chemtrails. It’s unfortunate that Prince fell for this conspiracy, but whatever it takes to make his music is fine by me. Chemtrails are a fascinating concept because they can be explained away in under two minutes, yet there’s a massive group of people who believe the condensation cloud is used by the government to test biological products on the sheeple.
Long story short, Alexandra Jones and his equally inane guest have a conversation about how Prince had been busy acknowledging the New World Order which led to him being murdered. I will say that they posted this video soon after Prince’s death, so they didn’t know all the details that are out now about it likely being a drug overdose, but that’s exactly why you don’t go on the air right after something happens to start vomiting unfounded opinions. These guys want to be the first responders and bring a controversial take, but there is nothing about Prince’s death that would lead any rational person to think we have the wool pulled over our eyes.
Also: the guest says he interviewed Kurt Cobain and that the tortured artist act is a ruse to sell records. Maybe he doesn’t know that Mr. Cobain shot himself in the face with a shotgun, but that is hard to believe. I guess I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.
Lady Gaga and some demons that follow her around are discussed. Alec Jones and guest, the experts, say that these colossally famous artists are terrified and don’t own mirrors. You heard it here first, folks.
I can’t write about this shitheel anymore or I’ll spiral into a depression and drink six bottles of NyQuil. However, I love thinking about Jonesey’s serious viewership banding together and trying to overrun a tyrannical government, but imploding within 48 hours because each member of the militia thinks he should be Genghis Khan and lead them to victory.
I think Mr. Jones is so narcissistic and delusional that he truly believes a large chunk of the population is hanging on his every word and at the drop of a hat they’ll ban together to rise from the Ashes of Globalist America to return this nation back to the great Christian republic that it once was. Any person who tunes into Alexis Jones for breaking news, waiting for his next hot take, should be taken out back and put down like Old Yeller.
“Well, that about does her, wraps her all up… I guess that’s the way the whole darned human comedy keeps perpetuatin’ itself, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands of time until we– aw, look at me, I’m ramblin’ again. Well, I hope you folks enjoyed yourselves. Catch ya later on down the trail.” – The Stranger
Until next time,